Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
