Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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