Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
How naked do you want me to be?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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