He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
