I wish I only lived at night.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
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Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
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I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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