do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
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I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
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Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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