I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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