I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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