Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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