When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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