im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
