I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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