you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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