i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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