I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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