the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
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Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
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I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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