Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
