And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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