Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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