I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
