My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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