i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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