I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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