okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
