May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
