I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
