Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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