I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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