you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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