I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
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Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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