found the other keg... it's in the tree
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
