who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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