hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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