boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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