I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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