He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
