question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
