she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
