Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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