My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
YAS. BRING CRAB.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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