just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
