The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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