We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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