tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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