woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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