i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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