Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
