I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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