I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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