when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
