After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
