My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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