I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
