did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
