toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
