so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
