Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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