Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
