I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
