WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
