the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
