my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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