i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
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you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
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I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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