Yo dont text me then not text me
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
