Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
