matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
