Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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