He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
