I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
