i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
